I made this blog site a while back cause I wanted to get back to writing. The last time I tried this it didn't go so well. At the time in as much as I knew that writing is hard, I wasn't prepared to handle the emotional and mental toll it took on me.
I've always had a hard time sorting out how I feel and putting it into words(yes, I say this a lot). Inside my head it's so often a mess cause there's a lot going on as I'm sure most of you would relate. It was hard to convey my message clearly in the way I'd hoped. At some point it started to feel ungenuine to myself and to those who were reading. Trying to write messages of motivation when you lack said thing was my biggest setback at the time and I hoped to find my way out of the slump quickly butbut that didn't pan out the way I'd hoped.
Anyway fast track to when I created this blog. I thought I could hop back on no problem but as soon I tried writing something my mind went blank. I was scared. Funny because I'd always thought it was an inability to put my feelings into words...but it turns out I have a subconscious fear of coming to terms with my feelings.
It's always been kind of uncharted territory for me, doing this whole introspection thing. I've mostly just taken other people's descriptions of their experiences and matched them up with mine. It felt natural. It felt safe. That image of safety saved me from some things but in the long run it has harmed me more than I had realized. Hindered my ability to connect with people, mostly my family and friends and moreover myself.
So why am I talking about this. I had asked myself the same thing when I started typing this out. This is an honest attempt from me to try and be honest about how I feel. I consider this my first step to being a better me, in a way...so I hope you'll join me on this journey. However please bare with me because I will stumble a lot but I hope to get there and I hope thst maybe I'll help others a bit too.
Till the next post
xoxo
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